Sorta 6 Steps for Joseph Farrell

He is from Asheville, North Carolina. Adopted. Tattoos are from his rebellious phase, able to travel the world. Old money. Southern Old Money. Finally getting his MBA at Mars Hill University. Passed up on an opportunity to go to Brown University to stay at home and be with his girlfriend of two years. He’s type-A person, controlling and planning their future together. They’ve only been together for two years. Father is from a wealthy family in shipping materials for brewing companies. Plastics, glass, wood and steel for containers. Dad bought us a place in Charlotte for when we get married. Which I haven’t formally proposed, but I’m sure will be done next year. Get married the year after. Start a family the year after that. Born in Charlotte, adopted by Robert Farrell when I was 8. Brother is Matt and other adopted brother is Darian. I was always encouraged to have fun and take advantage of the privileges my family could afford me. In doing so, I became addicted to the fun and resented the fact that I was expected to fall into the family business. Which has to do with a legacy I am technically not related to, starting with my adopted father’s grandfather and his relationship to the Vanderbilts in North Carolina. From there they would have partnered in the business of mass distribution of materials for popular beer brands. My adopted great-grandfather would have been responsible for selling the first alcohol at football games at Brown University in the early 20th Century.

Not really happy about work, and just happy to have fun, I started drinking heavily. Got tattoos, though I knew they would upset my parents and just used my parents money to travel and hobby with my buddies. I’ve crashed two golf carts, been ticketed by the Game Warden (almost arrested for fishing while drunk, thank you Dad), and chased many girls on the slopes of the mountains (need to find a specific name for that mountain). Megan and I knew each other from our similar-affluent-upbringing-circles or whatever. I’m two grades above her, but we had homeroom together in elementary school, a private school called Carolina Day School. A very liberal school that runs from Pre-K to High School and focuses on teaching boys and girls separately when they get to middle school. (What did Joseph learn here?) My rambunctiousness came to a head when I was arrested with my buddies and our mugshots were put on the local news. All of us had been part of Alpha Tau Omega at Appalachian State, all of us from prominent families in Asheville and our arresting video made it around social media for its stupid shamefulness. I was very quiet and was able to just get probation, but my buddy Nate had weed and he was pretty obnoxious in the video. He called the cop a fucking Idiot. James hopped in called him a faggot, saying he couldn’t way for his Dad to take away his badge. We were all laughing and pretty drunk. Freddy was driving and actually pulled over initially, just to drive off as soon as the officer opened his door. Which we all thought was pretty funny. I definitely laughed. But boy, nothing was funny later, when we were all taking our time to phone call our parents. I heard Nate’s Dad call him a fucking idiot over the phone.

My mom picked up and couldn’t bring herself to wake up my Dad. So she posted bail and picked me up 6 hours later. We slept most of that time away. I didn’t look at anyone and we stayed pretty quiet. When it was picked up by local news the next day, my mom and I had just broken it to my Dad. Then, he saw the story and the video and went to a meeting with a warning for me. We were going to have a long talk over dinner that night and if I missed it, he was gonna hit me like he always should’ve. Then he asked if that was clear and I said yes. He stared at me that night and never touched his food. Kept saying where did he go wrong? What the fuck was the matter with me? He pointed at the tattoos again. Then he talked about legacy and what kind of man I wanted to be. Even suggested I change my name from Farrell until I can change it back, having earning it. I cried, it was harsh. Especially being adopted, I felt he was close to saying he didn’t love me or want me around. I told him I just got carried away, I said every thing he’s given me has made life so much fun. I never imagined I could have all this. And then he said well, you’re old enough now to make your own money, I’ll support your education and get you a job at the warehouse, but everything else is up to you. I’m not paying for phone, car, toys, dates, trips, movies. If its not a class to better your life or an opportunity for you to make money, I’m not gonna help you. Your mother can still cook for you, but I’m gonna tell her not to ask you what you want for dinner. We’re going to have another meeting like this in 6 months and I want substantial proof that you are working towards your own independence and personal growth. If I do not see progress being made, I will continue to cut you off until I force you to pay rent.

Then, he asked me to sign a contract which I did angrily. Like a brat. It all felt like a little too much. They honestly hadn’t pressed me on my shit up until then. Couple of months later, I forced myself to go golfing with my Dad, he was having a “meeting” and thought it would be good to tag along. Megan was there, setting up her bakery. She was really sweet and cute and I thought it would be funny to see her hit a ball. So I asked her if she wanted my swing. I was just bored there with my Dad and his buddy. And I was trying to have fun and she hit it and it was pretty good! Didn’t expect her to be able to do that at all. Later, I found her stand and she gave me a pistachio croissant to try and it was amazing. I was impressed by her ability to be great, but not act cocky. She was sweet, confident, and talented. I immediately thought she was special. I asked her for her Instagram, and then asked her on a date to go to Lake Lure on my buddy’s boat. I mentioned mine was getting polished and she didn’t say anything about it. She just thought it was really beautiful out and cool to go fishing because she hadn’t been since her dad got sick. Most kids in Asheville have something to say about that. Sometimes its just a look, but everyone’s always trying to figure out how much money you come from, and whether or not you have anything to offer, but she wasn’t doing any of that. She was cool that I was borrowing the boat and we enjoyed the date. We made out too which was awesome. I did most of the talking, she’s quiet. I like that because it gives her a silent powerfulness that you don’t see in people that beautiful and that short, and innocent.

Almost immediately I started working at the warehouse to get back on my Dad’s good side. A year later, Megan and I were still dating and her Dad passed away to cancer. It was really hard and I never had anyone depend on me like she did with her emotions. I already loved her, but I wasn’t close to her Dad much, and when we spoke he was always kinda weak and sad. I never met the man Megan said her father was. Outdoorsy, loud and funny. She said I reminded her of him, but I never saw that. It’s all tragic. He was 55. I tried my best to support her. I went back to school to finish my degree and whenever I could, I hung out with Megan. While I did homework or when we both had time, we hung out. Sometimes, I’d just take my stuff to her bakery and did homework while she worked. Just to be around her. Her mom and her were running their 3 locations by themselves and it could be long days for them. If they closed their bakeries at 9pm because of a call out or short staff, they’d be the ones up at 3am to get started on tomorrow’s baked goods. They’re doing much better now, they have stronger teams at each store. They’re even opening another location at (forgot the name).

So, in about the last two years, I’ve worked at the Asheville Packaging warehouse, to get my hours in as my Dad says, and finished my undergrad, so that I can pursue an MBA and do distribution like he did. I finished probation and I told him that Megan and I are gonna get married. I started going to church and all my buddies from the arrest have changed in the same way. That video was embarrassing for all of us. We still have fun but now we limit it to once a month and buy much less beer. We even prayed before dinner last month on the lake. Megan wants to come, but Freddy is still working on his Tinder game before we change from bro-hangs to family-hangs. When Megan’s dad died, I asked my Dad for money to spend on a cruise for her. And because we’d had our meetings and I was proving that I wanted to change, he gave it to me. And more. It was really special. He asked me to buy some fancy jewelry for mom and said I should buy Megan a ring. I said it was too soon to ask her to marry, but I suggested maybe something to remember her Dad. He respected that. That was in the spring, when we went to the Netherlands, Iceland, Germany, it was awesome. First trip away from home for me and Megan. It was really cool. Then, they invited us to this charter cruise for having spent the money at Effy on the first cruise, and so that’s why we’re here. And this time, I suggested to my Dad that I could propose and he gave me some more money for a ring. That’s how we ended up here. Life is better than its ever been. Thank you God.

Rolling Ferro